Tuesday, July 9, 2013

First Class, and I Don't Mean Data

After my trip to Seattle to present at MSPC 2013, which I think went "OK," I headed back to the 757 to chill for a bit, visit my ole dentist, recharge my batteries (I am a machine... duh), and to well just get "home" for a tad. With that said, I did think about garbage collection some, and continued to work on my thesis. But that's probably not a good topic for this post, since the title mentions "First Class," and I don't mean higher-order language constructs.

So the story goes like this: When I was heading back to Melbourne, my flight plan took me from Norfolk, VA to Dallas, and from Dallas to Brisbane. The latter leg, by the way, is the 6th longest non-stop flight according to the wikipedia's entry on longest non-stop flights. Anyways, my Norfolk to Dallas ticket had no seating assignment. I was a bit baffled, but continued to play the game. Anyways, as I get ready to board, the ticket agent at the gate handed me a first class ticket! WTF?!? REALLY!?! Sometimes, you just take things and ask questions later. Anyways, this free upgrade comes with decent coffee in a ceramic mug, a steamed towel to wash my face with (travelling first class is hard work), and a free dinner. I rejected the dinner, because I had a prepared hummus sandwich awaiting me, and they didn't have much vegan awesomeness except for some nuts and salad. Oh, and the nuts come in a ceramic ramekin. The salad was pretty damn first class... and it came with a cloth napkin, freshly pressed rainbow milk straight from the nipples of an albino unicorn, a free yoga lesson, and shiatsu massage given by supermodels on their way to Maui for a photo-shoot. (Just lying about the milk (I'm vegan duh!).

So how did this first class upgrade happen? Maybe they oversold crap-class and had to choose a few suckers to ride pimp style? In fact, my neighbor is pretty cool here. But first class still doesn't score you free wifi. Oh, hold on, the lovely flight attendant is now offering a desert... I have to say no; I think I'll go for more coffee, because my bladder is definitely of infinite volume.

Anyways, I must say that I think the people in first class looked at me and were wondering if I were some rich famous musician, or hacker seeking asylum. I can't really say I am dressed to the nines here. And... my coffee is here; yet another ceramic mug! Oh, and the seat is spacious and I have enough leg-room for me to not even think about using the recliner feature on my chair. Just to think, my butt cheeks are sitting in the same seat that a thousand other well-off cheeks have graced. I am spoiled.


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